Looking at an issue through a bystander lens provides another insight into a problem. When we think differently we help provide new ways to address the problem. To think differently we must first see differently.
These last weeks the Netflix series Adolescence has raised much needed discussions on boys and men in society. Discussed on news channels both in the UK, in the US and around the globe it’s clear the drama has raised the level of understanding of the world that our young people, and in particular our young men are growing up in. This is great and the storytelling in the drama has clearly contributed to the awareness raising as well as the building of empathy which I know from my work is a big motivator that helps people to become more involved in an event. The same thing happened after the drama ‘Mr Bates vs The Post Office’. A society who previously suspected post office owners of taking the money began to believe the wrongdoing being done to them. As someone who has been talking about these issues now for some 15 years this has been a long time coming.
In 2009 when I started working with the Scottish Violence Reduction Unit (SVRU) I became more aware of the notion that violence is primarily a man’s issue. Of course, it’s an issue for girls and women however the facts speak for themselves. Most violence in this world is committed by men. Most victims of men’s violence are men. Women and girls are also killed and abused by men. Violent and abusive men remain a clear and present danger to us all.
Now before you think I’m simply having a go at men, I’m not. I am a man. I have many male friends who I care deeply about. Before I started to take an interest in male violence, I was blissfully unaware of these issues. Whilst I had spent my policing career dealing with the consequences of male violence, I never really saw the issue, nor did I see a role for me. I wasn’t abusive. Surely that was enough. However, the more I looked at the problem the more I felt uncomfortable. Did my silence around certain behaviours contribute to wider issues?
Whilst Adolescence, for me, is a drama designed for adults, it’s also a drama that sets out how society should respond to the issues it raised. Responses so far have included Prime Minister Keir Starmer making sure the drama is available to all UK schools. Also, many are calling for a need to better educate young men on misogyny. For me, neither will have any lasting impact.
For me one of the most important messages to come from the show is one that is being consistently overlooked: the role of Jamie’s friends in challenging his behaviour.
Much of the drama focused on the main character Jamie and his parents. There was also focus on teachers and other adults involved in Jamie’s life before and after the murder of the young woman. Much of the media focus about the drama has centred society on how a supposedly young boy could become so caught up in online culture that he killed a fellow classmate. I suppose this focus has grabbed out attention. Remember bad news sells the story. If it bleeds it leads is a term I’ve heard from media friends.
Whilst watching the programme I went into prevention mode. Since my time with the SVRU I have learned that violence is preventable. I’ve learned to think differently about issues that are presented to me, whether on a TV screen or in a news article. Prior to this role my frustration was how I simply responded after a violent death. Now I want to prevent them, and I know we can. Part of that requires us to be having a different conversation and one that at times may make us feel a bit uncomfortable.
How we prevent the events portrayed in the series may involve adults, but they also must involve the young people themselves. The drama for me highlighted the many challenges young people face in today’s online world. Whilst we must not ignore the likes of Andrew Tate and other influencers, we cannot ignore the challenges that young people present each other on these issues. We often think that we are solely in charge of our own behaviours. We’re not. It’s our friends and others around us that play a massive part in our own behaviours.
For me Adolescence shows this in the character Ryan, Jamie’s good friend, and the person who supplied him with the knife. It might be assumed that most 13-year-olds who knew their friend was angry after being rejected would reassure that friend, try to calm them down, and talk them out of taking any action that could get them into trouble. Yet, as far as we are shown in Adolescence, Ryan did not do those things. Instead, he supplied Jamie with a knife, noting that he “just wanted things the way they were” and saying that he thought Jamie would “just scare her”.
We know from research that loyalty and being a trusted friend are important within young peer relationships. They form part of the unwritten rules of growing up. Such rules require young people to avoid breaking these rules, at all costs. Should the rules be broken friendships risk being weakened. Isolation from the peer group and even ridicule are likely outcomes. Ryan’s desire to support his friend and stay loyal will have been strong, even though he knew Jamie was about to behave in such a potentially dangerous way.
Navigating early intimate relationships remain a challenge for young people. Ryan’s character may have thought that his friend’s anger and desire to scare the victim was a normal reaction in the context of his own perception of these early relationships. This seems to fit in with past research that confirms the prevalence of dating violence experienced by teenagers. We also know from research that some young people don’t see certain behaviours as abusive more they seen them as normal in these relationships.
In my prevention world I’m aware of the social science of John Darley and Bibb Latane who noted, that to be an active bystander the first step is that you must be able to recognise when there is a problem that needs an intervention. If Ryan didn’t see a problem, then there’s nothing to see that’s worthy of action.
As you know I’m all about solutions and looking at the drama using a bystander lens provides us with a variety of ways that we can address the issues raised. Traditional approaches to addressing harm are often binary. They look at individuals as perpetrators or potential perpetrators or as victims or potential victims. A bystander lens allows us to talk about those around either the victim or perpetrator. We also know from past research that in around two thirds of violent and abusive acts third parties see things. They witness the build-up to the harm; they witness the event or they are informed about the harm after it has occurred.
What if Ryan had taken on the role as an active bystander instead of blindly supporting him and by doing so sending out the message that what Jamie was doing was ok. Far too often we see this blind loyalty playing out in current media stories involving both police and fire & rescue services. We also see the silence from friends and colleagues. A recent sexual assault case involving a Detective Sergeant from Greater Manchester Police saw the trial judge commenting on how the use of sexualised language excused as banter coupled with a silence from the accused’s peers was a factor in the offending.
What if Ryan had said directly to Jamie that what he was doing wasn’t ok. What if he had spoken to a teacher or other trusted adult to tell them what Jamie was planning to do? What if Ryan had even warned Katie, the victim what Jamie was planning?
Providing young people with the skills to act is key. In October 2015 a 16-year-old schoolboy from Aberdeen was fatally stabbed in his school. Bailey Gwynne made a throwaway comment about a fellow pupil’s weight. That day the boy who was also 16 was in possession of a knife. He used it to when he lashed out. Bailey died in the school corridor. In the subsequent trial it was clear that the accused had previously brought a knife to school. A friend who witnessed the killing told the jury that he had warned the accused that he shouldn’t be carrying the knife. What if he had then spoken to teacher or another adult? What if he had spoken to other friends and collectively decide what to do? The challenges I describe faced by young people played out in Cults Academy as it did in Jamie and Ryan’s school
All the above provides a valuable example of active bystandership in action. The above also emphasises the fact that being a good and loyal friend can sometimes mean saying to a friend some things that they need to hear, not simply what they want to hear. How we redefine loyalty in known peer cultures will in some way contribute to a normalisation of such action rather than the action being seen as a transgression against the norm. A form of critical loyalty will help young men do what’s right for their friend.
Speaking to a friend about their poor behaviour is tough for any young man. I reflected on my teenage years whilst watching the series and remembered how difficult it is to be your authentic self. To be able to speak up on things you weren’t happy with. I’m a great believer in character development starting from an early age. This is because the evidence suggests your moral compass is the biggest motivator that will lead to action. Alongside the development of character more work is needed to bring young men together to talk about how they really feel on the issues discussed in Adolescence as well as the other challenges they have when faced with misogynistic behaviours in their peers.
Tackling pluralistic ignorance in peer groups is vital. This term from psychology describes when an individual wrongly perceives that their views are contrary to the group’s views. When we feel supported it is more likely we will feel better able to allow our moral compass to lead the way in our actions. When we perceive that our peers support such views our moral compass can become obsolete.
Finally, teaching teenagers about teenage violence in school and challenging misogynistic attitudes could also have helped Ryan to recognise that what Jamie was suggesting doing to Katie (scaring her with the knife) was neither normal or acceptable. I referenced the work of John Darley and Bibb Latane earlier. It’s important we help young people recognise harm. If they don’t see the harm, then action won’t happen. Many young people simply see abuse as the physical act. It’s the same for many adults. Helping them see the different types of abuse that occur within intimate relationships becomes vital.
Physical violence and sexual violence start long before we think they do. Helping young people make the connection between harmful jokes, sexist language, and attitudes and the likes of rape, sexual assault and use of weapons is key to achieving this. Also, when we help young people identify early harm then we present a safer and slightly easier intervention opportunity. So, if Ryan was better equipped to recognise harm he may have acted quickly to deal with the situation. Surely this is a good thing.
Whilst I see the need to educate young people on signs of abuse, I prefer to do this within the framework of using a bystander approach. Such an approach is way more than giving tools to intervene. If that’s the sole focus, then the work is no more than playing a game of whack a mole. A bystander approach places the individual in the role of a friend, colleague, team or classmate. In this role we can use the approach to achieve the following.
- Raise awareness of an issue
- Challenge individual thinking
- Open a dialog amongst a peer group, and lastly
- Inspire personal leadership
To some the above may appear insufficient to address the many challenges we currently face. However, evidence supports this approach. The four points support the types of discussions that are much needed in male peer groups.
As Adolescence continues to be viewed around the world through the perspective of Jamie, his parents, and his school, my request is for those involved in working with young people to view it also through the eyes of Jamie’s friend and consider what Ryan could have done to be an active bystander in this tragic series of events.
I mention above that my work with the SVRU taught me to think differently. To think differently we must learn to see differently. That way we can counter our built-in tendency to sink into the familiar way of seeing and experiencing issues.
To end I want to very briefly discuss another character from the drama which I feel needs attention, the prison officer who spoke with the psychologist who was interviewing Jamie. He made the psychologist feel uncomfortable. His sense of entitlement was clear. This is often the outcome when we fail to address these behaviours early.
Over to you………..
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